And You Thought Inception was Confusing Sober Pt.2

" I'm going to improvise. Listen, there's something you should know about me... about inception. An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you." 

Alright I'm ready to do this, I've mixed my Gin and Ocean Spray. I'm actually watching the DVD version as opposed to Netflix so I've done a tiny bit of drinking to get me through the fifteen minutes of previews. Okay its starting now and I'm already confused. Leo is on a beach and theres some children but not really. Now he's sitting with an older Asian man. There's some quotes that are probably foreshadowing or something. 

Ok now there sitting in like the same room but there's people there. Leo claims he's the best at extracting data from peoples minds. Man, he's the best at a lot of things. Except surviving sinking boats. And getting off Shutter Island. Also I think it's the same guy as before at the table but he's way younger. Now the room is shaking and Leo is running off with some girl. I think it's the one from Batman. 

Yeah that's her alright.

I walked away for like five minutes to talk to someone and now there in a hotel room hooked up to what looks like IV. Holy shit the batman girl shot Joseph Gordon Levitt in the leg. What a bitch. Leo stole those files like a champ. Woah wait the hotel room was a dream too? I'm gonna be pissed if this whole movie is a dream. Also who has dreams that involve like whole cities? Most of mine involve like spiders and my old house. 

Aw man Leo had kids with the crazy woman? Bad idea dude never stick your dick in crazy. I guess he needs an architect to perform the title of the movie, which apparently is not impossible as Leo points out like seventeen times. I think most people would just check LinkedIn but thats not good enough for him, oh no he has to literally visit a university to grab someone. Oh snap it's Ellen Paige, man she has really grown up. I really hope Michael Cera is in this but he might be too big a star for a Nolan film. 

Look how quirky they are!

Oh man she solves the shit outa that puzzle. Okay I like the part about you never remember the start of a dream. It really reminds me of how I don't actually remember the start of this film. Oh shit Ellen Paige just got shanked by Leo's dead wife. Does that bitch ever star in a film where she doesn't stab someone? There goes Leo spinning that top again. Oh okay it's a totem. If I had one of those I'd alter one of those tiny Jack Daniel's bottles.

You know what? Let's make this a bit more interesting. Any time you see Leo spin that top, take a drink. We're already behind two so lets get a decent chug in before we start. Leo's flying to India now, which I suppose is to the place to be for people specializing in stealing ideas from people's heads. Funny I always thought that would be Apple's offices. 

Now this Indian guy is giving a lecture to Leo about how strong his drugs are. I guess they need some special sleep tonic in order to perform. I really think you could just roofie the guy and skip the IV treatment, but whatever works I suppose. 

Man this film is long, I'm just gonna run and grab food because I'm like starving. 

Ok that may have taken longer than I expected because now Leo and his crew are boarding a plane with the scarecrow from Batman. Oh okay thats the guy there doing the inception on. That sounds dirtier than it is. I don't buy the falling thing, that's some bullshit cause I fall in dreams all the time. At least I assume I do, it's hard to remember dreams. Oh snap! Mal got shot because apparently scarecrows mind has been trained or something. 

Actually lets think about that. Is this practice really that well known that people actively train against it? And if they do then why let the people in your conscious be killable at all? Why not just give them x-ray vision and let them shoot lasers out of there eyes. 

Anyway now they're trapped in a warehouse which I assume we can all relate to. I mean who among us haven't been trapped in a warehouse by armed men? Now there escaping and bam dream level two here we go. I guess in this one hes chatting with a hot chick, and Leo is gonna convince him hes dreaming to gain his trust. This dreams getting boring theres a lot less shooting. I'm just gonna move on to the third dream which is in this badass mountain fortress. The mission seems to be going pretty well until Mal shoots scarecrow in the face and Leo decides to dive into Limbo. 

Bam now the beginning is starting to make sense. Oh shit thats bad. I guess Leo put the idea that the world was fake in his dead wife's head. I guess he is responsible for her murder then. Huh. That's pretty depressing. I guess he successfully implemented the idea though. Good for Leo, I guess he gets to see his kids now despite him pretty much being a murderer. 

Oh that fucking top is still spinning I swear to God it better fall. Oh of course it cuts to black. Of fucking course. 

In summary I give it 4 out of five beers. Although the ending made me incredibly frustrated although the alcohol may have escalated that. 

Yeah that's the movie in a nutshell.