"We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and *addictive*. The job is almost done for us"

I'm gonna switch things up a little for this review. You're gonna be drinking with me. We don't rush it but you are going to finish that six pack before we the movie wraps. I've seen this film already so I'm cheating a bit, but don't worry I won't giveaway any spoilers just yet.





We'll be drinking every time someone in the film brings up a completely irredeemably immoral decision. So you might want to be taking sips, or buying another six pack.

The film opens with you drinking, because our main man Nick Naylor appearing on a daytime talk show to defend Big Tobacco against a dying cancer boy. Through his unbelievably charismatic attitude and workaround logic he's able to explain that he wouldn't profit from the death of the boy, in fact it would be in his best interest to keep the boy alive and smoking. Brilliance.

Nick Naylor literally has so much swag he could be on Mad Men. Now we meet the nemesis, the Professor Moriarty to his Sherlock Holmes, well except that Moriarty was a genius on the level of Holmes and Senator Ortolan Finisterre (played by the genius William H. Macey) isn't pretty much incompetent. 

When we further catch up with Nailer he's at a board meeting with a man named BR. Apparently no one actually understands what the BR stands for. I've known people like that. He's also the a vietnam vet and is played by the guy who always demands pictures from spiderman. 

I want pictures! Pictures of Spiderman!

Naylor quickly comes up with the idea to involve cigarrettes in films again. Everyone at the board unsurprisingly agrees. 

That's definitely a drink. 

Further on in the film we see Naylor's relationship with his son, which is about as function as one would expect considering his father specialized in lies and arguments. On there trip to Los Angeles to meet with a film executive. There side trip to bribe a past Marlboro cigarrettes spokesman with lung cancer turns ugly as he begins to blame Nick for enabling big tobacco. Instead of arguing Naylor simply leaves the money and mentions that the money isn't a bribe but rather a reward for being a loyal customer. If he want to keep the money, thats on him since he could donate it to cancer research. 

That's a drink. You should be about 2 beers down at this point. 

Right after this we have Naylor debating with his nemesis on a television station strangely reminiscent of the actual Dennis Miller show. This is about when he gets a death threat. I don't know about you but I'd certainly be a little more concerned if I got a death threat, and apparent Naylor should have too since he gets kidnapped, adorned with nicotine patches and left naked in Abraham Lincoln's lap. To add insult to injury, literally, the reporter who he's been sleeping with reveals all the dirty secrets about the MOB squad.

That's them alright.

There's gotta be some kinda symbolism there paired with a total immoral decision so we'll be drinking a little extra on this one. 

To add insult to injury, literally, the reporter who he's been sleeping with reveals all the dirty secrets about the MOD squad. Oh and he can't smoke anymore cigarettes again. Ever. 

The film wraps up with Naylor admitting in a public health trial that if his son wanted a cigarette when he turned 18 he would be happy to buy him one. You can either drink on this one or not, depending on your feeling's on the decision. 

He declines the invitation to return to lobbying for Big Tobacco and instead moves to the next big market, cell phones. 

Ultimately I'd give the movie five out of six beers, mainly for having a terrific cast but falling short on some scenes that seemed to drag on a bit too long, even with me drinking during them. 

"Gentlemen, practise these words in front of the mirror: Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer."